Sunday, October 31, 2021

Christmas Gifts for Your Gym Rat - 2021

The 2021 Holiday Season is upon us! If you're looking for some gift ideas for that gym rat (or home gym rat) in your life, look no further! Here are 10 great ideas for less than $100 (and some less than $10)!

1. IMTUG grippers from Ironmind ($25.95 and Up)

If you have an interest in grip strength and you want to work your pinch grip, it's difficult to do with traditional "grippers" alone. The Ironmind Tug grippers are designed to be used with two or three fingers and can be used to improve crushing grip, pinch grip, and hand health and can be a great supplement for other grip work.

2. Bands from elitefts ($5 and Up)

As a stocking stuffer, or even as THE gift, bands are amazing for gym rats of all stripes. I've given these to my family, friends, and athletes for all kinds of occasions, from thank-you's to graduations. Convenient, easily transportable, and endless uses - bands are always a perfect gift.

3. Fractional Plates from Rogue Fitness ($15 and Up)

I know. You're thinking, "What kind of wimp needs ONE POUND PLATES? Be tough and throw on a quarter or at least a dime!!". Sure, I get that. But, if you've been training a long time, you know there are times when you wished you had these. Like when you are doing grip work. Or when you just want to feel the waters beyond your current max. For the "hardcore or die" types, this might not be the right gift, but for the older, more experienced, connoisseur of lifting, it might be just the thing.

4. Adjustable Slant Board from Amazon ($55)

I have one of these at home and I use it often for calf and hamstring stretches, and also for back foot placement on Bulgarian Split Squats. Certainly not a "must-have", but very convenient and if your special someone has flexibility issues then it's a great tool. Honestly, I don't know why something so simple costs as much as it does, but it is sturdy and I don't regret the purchase.

5. Sled Harness from Rogue Fitness ($60)

Many years ago I found a bargain and purchased a couple sled harnesses. Soon after, I was very glad I did because I could not find ANY that looked comfortable and cost under a hundred dollars - fast forward 10 years and now Rogue is producing some at a reasonable price. Pulling a sled with a harness vs. handles is a nice change of pace and shifts emphasis from the grip as a limiting factor, allowing heavier loads and longer efforts.

6. Cramer Gym Chalk (6 oz) from Amazon ($6.99)

Some modern chalk formulas contain resin which is probably fine for some resistance exercises, but would be bad for high rep kettlebell work. Good old plain magnesium carbonate is great for deadlifts, gymnastics, high-rep work with kettlebells, and just about anything else that requires a solid grip.

7. Conquer Your Demons Through Sweat and Steel (T-Shirt) from Defiant Athletic ($28.00)

I don't know about your gym rat, but working out has always been a place of solace for me and this t-shirt speaks to that. I own two of these (one red, one black).

8. Ledgital Gym Timer from Amazon ($79.88

I bought this a couple years ago on Amazon and it's gotten a lot of use in the garage. I use an older version of the Gym Boss when I'm in the basement or outside and need an interval timer, but I prefer having a big digital display that my old man eyes can see without squinting.

9. Raskog Utility Cart from IKEA ($29.99)

I use this cart in my garage for grip implement attachments, chalk, and carabiners. On wheels, it's a handy little storage cart for your gym or even your office. To amuse myself, I wrote "ROGUE" on it with a white sharpie.

10. LIGHT WEIGHT, BABY! (T-Shirt) from Ronnie Coleman ($29.99)

This "officially licensed" product is one item that I'm asking for on MY Christmas list. What could be better than a t-shirt with THE Ronnie Coleman on it saying "LIGHT WEIGHT BABY!"? Maybe a shirt with Ronnie Coleman on it saying "Ain't nothin' but a peanut".

Saturday, October 30, 2021

A New Zombie Trainer Certification!

I wrote this piece years ago for Josh Hanagarne's site (The World's Strongest Librarian). The site has gone away and I was sad to see the piece no longer viewable. So, I'm reposting it for Halloween 2021 - enjoy! 

The Certified Zombie Strength and Conditioning Specialist Certification Challenge 
(or the “CZSCSCC” for short)

Life’s No Fair To Zombies - Get Rich AND Help Them Even The Odds with Strength and Conditioning!

The creators of Squat Rx will soon be offering a new certification - the "Certified Zombie Strength and Conditioning Specialist Certification Challenge", or "CZSCSCC" (for short). 
Unlike other programs and certifications that promise to prepare you to defend yourself against the inevitable zombie apocalypse, the CZSCSCC will put you in the driver's seat and make you THE trainer sought after by BOTH the living and the undead. 
With the skills learned at the CZSCSCC you will be officially certified to train zombies in and out of the weight room to be stronger, faster, and happier killing machines. 

Jillian may be hot stuff on reality television's THE BIGGEST LOSER, but CZSCSCCs will be the biggest winners when zombies come to town

This untapped niche market possesses earnings only limited by your imagination and local zombie population, which can only grow over the future decades. Our five-day certification will focus on reverse-engineering what the best, most successful brain-eaters do instinctively, and how those qualities can be trained into even the meekest and most feeble zombie BY YOU.
Make no mistake, this will NOT be a paper-tiger certification. The successful candidate must demonstrate the physical prowess and cool nerves of a Navy SEAL, the cunning of a Geek Squad Crew, and the teaching and people skills of a Dale Carnegie to pass our stringent requirements. 

Think how good their moves would have been if Michael had been trained by a CZSCSCC! 

What You'll Learn:
  • Which five exercises are indispensible for your zombie-clients to outrun their victims and outeat their rivals... 
  • Which of your zombie clients need foam rollers, and which need baseball bats... 
  • Which supplements will help your clients... and which will put them BACK in the grave... 
  • How to screen and treat mobility dysfunction unique to many zombies... 
  • How zombie-stereotyping may be crippling your efforts at effective programming... 
  • How to improve VO2Max in clients who don't respirate... 
  • How to properly spot and cue a zombie WITHOUT GETTING YOUR BRAIN EATEN... 
  • How to "bullet-proof" your zombies' weakness and enhance their latent supernatural strength... 
  • How to turn a slow-moving "Night Of The Living Dead" zombie into a light-footed "28 Days Later" zombie... 
  • Why kipping pull-ups may reduce shoulder integrity in undead shoulders... 
  • Why zombies hate the Turkish Get-Up and how to help them get-UP to get-down... 
  • Why sleepy glutes may be the second-death of your zombie-clientele… 
  • What shoes are best for the tactical zombie… 
  • What tough-love means to a zombie (and how to administer it without infection)...

This zombie would still be enjoying brain if only he had been trained by a CZSCSCC! 

As an added bonus, upon successfully passing the Certified Zombie Strength and Conditioning Specialist Certification Challenge, instructors will receive FREE
  • THE ZOMBIE MARKETING HANDBOOK - detailing how to make the most off of your zombie-clients' estates. Comes handsomely bound with Bostitch-brand staples! 
  • The opportunity to buy an instructional seminar DVD starring you at a fraction of the certification price! 
  • Two Dixon Ticonderoga #2 pencils! 
  • CZSCSCC golf shirts @ reduced prices (10% off)! 
Space is limited, so REGISTER NOW! 
Early bird registrants will receive 50% off of the rock-bottom, dirt-cheap fee of $10,000. 
Act now... they're coming.