The Certified Zombie Strength and Conditioning Specialist Certification Challenge (or the “CZSCSCC” for short)
Life’s No Fair To Zombies - Get Rich AND Help Them Even The Odds with Strength and Conditioning!
The creators of Squat Rx will soon be offering a new certification - the "Certified Zombie Strength and Conditioning Specialist Certification Challenge", or "CZSCSCC" (for short).
Unlike other programs and certifications that promise to prepare you to defend yourself against the inevitable zombie apocalypse, the CZSCSCC will put you in the driver's seat and make you THE trainer sought after by BOTH the living and the undead.
With the skills learned at the CZSCSCC you will be officially certified to train zombies in and out of the weight room to be stronger, faster, and happier killing machines.
Jillian may be hot stuff on reality television's THE BIGGEST LOSER, but CZSCSCCs will be the biggest winners when zombies come to town
This untapped niche market possesses earnings only limited by your imagination and local zombie population, which can only grow over the future decades. Our five-day certification will focus on reverse-engineering what the best, most successful brain-eaters do instinctively, and how those qualities can be trained into even the meekest and most feeble zombie BY YOU.
Make no mistake, this will NOT be a paper-tiger certification. The successful candidate must demonstrate the physical prowess and cool nerves of a Navy SEAL, the cunning of a Geek Squad Crew, and the teaching and people skills of a Dale Carnegie to pass our stringent requirements.
Think how good their moves would have been if Michael had been trained by a CZSCSCC!
What You'll Learn:
- Which five exercises are indispensible for your zombie-clients to outrun their victims and outeat their rivals...
- Which of your zombie clients need foam rollers, and which need baseball bats...
- Which supplements will help your clients... and which will put them BACK in the grave...
- How to screen and treat mobility dysfunction unique to many zombies...
- How zombie-stereotyping may be crippling your efforts at effective programming...
- How to improve VO2Max in clients who don't respirate...
- How to properly spot and cue a zombie WITHOUT GETTING YOUR BRAIN EATEN...
- How to "bullet-proof" your zombies' weakness and enhance their latent supernatural strength...
- How to turn a slow-moving "Night Of The Living Dead" zombie into a light-footed "28 Days Later" zombie...
- Why kipping pull-ups may reduce shoulder integrity in undead shoulders...
- Why zombies hate the Turkish Get-Up and how to help them get-UP to get-down...
- Why sleepy glutes may be the second-death of your zombie-clientele…
- What shoes are best for the tactical zombie…
- What tough-love means to a zombie (and how to administer it without infection)...
ALL THIS AND MUNCH, MUNCH, MUNCH MORE!!!!!!!!
This zombie would still be enjoying brain if only he had been trained by a CZSCSCC!
As an added bonus, upon successfully passing the Certified Zombie Strength and Conditioning Specialist Certification Challenge, instructors will receive FREE:
- THE ZOMBIE MARKETING HANDBOOK - detailing how to make the most off of your zombie-clients' estates. Comes handsomely bound with Bostitch-brand staples!
- The opportunity to buy an instructional seminar DVD starring you at a fraction of the certification price!
- Two Dixon Ticonderoga #2 pencils!
- CZSCSCC golf shirts @ reduced prices (10% off)!
Space is limited, so REGISTER NOW!
Early bird registrants will receive 50% off of the rock-bottom, dirt-cheap fee of $10,000.
Act now... they're coming.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment