It's been a while since I've read a book that made me laugh as hard as this one. In fact, I'd say I laughed as hard reading this as my son did the first time I read him "Captain Underpants".
On Yard Work
"What are you doing with that rake?... No, that is not raking.... What? Different styles of raking? No, there's one style, and then there's bullshit. Guess which one you're doing."
On My Bloody Nose
"What happened? Did somebody punch you in the face?!... The what? The air is dry? Do me a favor and tell people you got punched in the face."
On Choosing One's Occupation
"You have to do something you love.... Bullshit, you clearly have not heard this speech before, because you're working at Mervyn's."
On the Baseball Steroids Scandal
"People are surprised Mark McGwire did steroids? Look at him! He looks like they should have him in a stall on display at the fair with some poor son of a bitch cleaning up his shit."
On How to Tell When a Workout Is Complete
"I just did an hour on the gym machine. I'm sweaty, and I have to shit. Where's my fanny pack? This workout is over."
- From Sh*t My Dad Says